dear internet,

it's me, scott.

here is a list that i wrote this morning. it is 100% accurate, and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong (this is my general philosophy).

things that are good on pizza
1. cheese
2. tomato sauce
3. black olives
4. possibly pepperoni or sausage, maybe
5. PINEAPPLE

ranch sauce is also excellent to dip the pizza in while eating.

things that are NOT good on pizza!!
1. mushrooms (seriously, these are not good on ANYTHING!)
2. anchovies (duh)
3. "pork topping"
4. toenails
5. kitty-cats

please take this into account the next time you order a pizza, thank you.

love,
scott.