2000-06-08
dear internet,it's me, listwriter scott. ten reasons why i could never marry heath seals: (i'm sorry you had to find out this way, sweetie). 1. heath is a homewrecker, plain and simple. 2. "who ha!". i could never have sex with anyone who shouted "who ha!" all the time. it would be too distracting. 3. i just. dont like pumpkin pie. 4. heath drinks beer. our lifestyles would never match, as i never ever consume that wretched swill. 5. lack of pigtails. 6. lack of short plaid skirt. 7. lack of couch-dancing abilities. 8. im sorry, but there is nothing more boring to watch on television than cnbc. 9. i think. liza would probably be jealous. 10. who needs marriage? were going to burn in hell for premarital sex anyway. love, scott.
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