2002-01-29
dear internet,
it's me, liza. long time no see, scott's diary! but alas, i am not here for fun and games. i am here to discuss a very serious problem:
lots of girls on the internet want to marry scott.
i know, i know. it's hard to believe, isn't it? i hear all of you saying, "scott schneider?! that's impossible!" BUT I SWEAR TO GOD, INTERNET... it's true. it's possible that you even know a girl who wants to marry scott, and you don't even know it.
since i feel that it is, more or less, my duty to make sure that all of you poor, innocent girls aren't led astray by the internet superstar that you know as "scott dot diaryland dot com," i am prepared to give you a list of reasons why you, internet girl, should not want to marry scott schneider:
1. he hates cheesecake.
2. he is from wisconsin.
3. he has a mullet.
4. he will try to take his pants off in your bed.*
5. three words: pink bunny suit.
6. he actually calls himself "internet superstar."
7. his favorite movie is "deuce bigalow, male gigolo." (OH GOD JUST KIDDING.)
8. okay this has nothing to do with that, but i was just reading some of scott's old diary entries, and i would like to say, scott, that i tell the story about chicago (not THAT story) and going to the waiter's house with the dingo. god, there is nothing funnier than that! and everybody is like, "yeah right, you have never seen a dingo! nobody keeps dingoes as pets. how the hell did you meet someone like that?" and then i have to tell the whole story about kristen putting a dollar in the waiter's pants and how he came to the hotel and we went to his ghetto-ass house. ahh. those were the days! or. the day. that was the day.
okay, so i was laughing about the dingo and i kind of lost my train of thought. but anywya, the point is that you surely do not want to marry scott. the end.
dingolove,
liza
* don't be fooled, internet girl. this is not something that you want!
ps. even if you did want to marry him, you couldn't. because he's gay. DUH.
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