it's me, scott.

i want to be like bobby!! doesn't ever want to be like bobby? we all love bobby. i'd be jealous, but i'm much better looking.

anyway. haha! i decided that it would make for a really easy entry to go through MY sent-messages folder and include some weird things that i have said. here is part one in that segment of my wonderful book-contract-worthy letters to you, internet!

ready? okay:

hi. i am responding to your email two weeks later!

this is why you obviously need to go see good movies like "dude, wheres my car?". best movie ever! i highly recommend it.

have you done anything with my box yet?

abcd.

(i hope de la soul writes a song about me!)

ps. the $5 is a friendship tax.

mmm. twix.

i should be back up the 14th through 24th (or something like that) so we need to go drink with some rednecks next month.

> didnt you like the drinking bird?
i love it more than oreos.

/home/sschneid/homo/. yeah.

also! my kitty is not evil! it hurts her feelings very much to hear you say that. she has a poor broken little kitty heart, all because of you!

please include one cake in said package.

it is a big anti-scott club.

you just like. the thought of dan whacking off. you sicko.

are you still going to marry that bald guy at the grocery store?

does your dentist have a moustache? just curious!

(i hope this is not a "we hate you, youre fired." letter!)

did you know that kevin is moby? it is true! ask him about it. (we just had this discussion. he is mobyriffic).

someone just came over and said "is your name stuart"? i am not stuart. i dont even look like a stuart!

dude! wisconsin! word up!

EXCUSE ME. are you saying that my hair is not sexy?

I AM EATING CHEESECAKE.

my cat is meowing at me.

setters are the sexiest volleyball players ever. ever.

you look like the perfect girl to eat deep-fried pickles with.

i am pure and innocent! like freshly fallen snow, but innocent.

so anyway, insert seguay here.

you are goign to die in the bathroom? i think that would be one of the last places i would ever want to die.

i could probably steal some of heath's oreos without him noticing.

train of thought. choo choo!

mmm. ballsweat! sweet sweet ballsweat.

masturbating! you were masturbating last night! that is not laundry!

i fucking hate the family circus. does ANYONE like that stupid comic?

dear freak, you are a freak!

every fuck is a sport-fuck.

cracker is a derrogatory word for a white person. cracker.

a lot of things remind me of liza potter. newcastle beer. pink. jersey mikes. pink. pink.

family circus made you cry?! it made me vomit, once.

i love every cheese i have ever had!!!

a ralistic vibrator? like, one shaped like a penis? or one shaped like a vibrator?

oh! i am allergic to birds.

no. i would want a pink, aerodynamically shaped vibrator.

please send cake. chocolate.

that is not a size! "36x32" is a size! 10 and 12 are numbers which indicate girlsizes that i don't understand.

why dont you ever use the word "giant throbbing mancock" when referring to me? this hurts my feelings.

i am responding to your mail! and it hasnt even been a whole month yet! i am quick, like leonardo dicaprio in "the quick and the dead".

chomp chomp chomp. snack mix.

well, my cat just lays on me for ten minutes, hears something, and scurries off to attack a wall, or the carpet, or heath.

i also then proceeded to tell her that george washington was a saint, and that she should write a report on the lesser-known saint washington. i dont think she appreciates my creative topics for term papers.

i love you, apple juice.

my eyes are almost not bloody now!

(the end.)

if any of those things were in emails i sent to you? dont be mad. nobody knows! its our little secret.

love,
scott.