2000-09-22

dear internet,

it's me, scott. i love you, let's do it.*

following is a list of reasons why today sucks:

- it is raining outside. i hate rain, especially thunderstorms. especially at night, falling asleep to thunderstorms. that is the stupidest thing ever.

(haha. actually, maybe i might like that. but it is crappy when it rains in the middle of the day and you run to your car through it and get all wet, you know?)

- my coworker ted needs to die. but, unfortunately, he refuses to do this. he sits at his desk talking about videogames all day, instead of doing work. i would like to blow him up. please mail explosives if you have any, as this would greatly help me in my mission. thank you.

- my hair looks funny. i mean. funnier than usual.

- i ate two dingdongs last night, and now today i am fat. super-fat! 500lbs. just from two ding dongs! can you believe it? i just, blew up like a balloon! or like that grape girl from charlie and the chocolate factory! except, i am shaped like a dingdong, instead of a grape. it is a very unfortunate situation.

- megan is not at work today. this makes me sad, becuase i do not have anyone to eat lunch with. sad sad. sniffle.

speaking of, here is today's lunch haiku (did you notice that nice tricky transition i just did that now allows me to showcase my poetic talent? i rule!):

subway is the place
where fresh is the taste, yes sir
meatball sandwich yum!

i thought that up while driving back to work! sometimes it surprises me how smart i can be! and actually, check this out! while taking a bite of my sandwich, i just thought up ANOTHER ONE!

i ate this for lunch:
twelve inches of tasty meat
reminds me of heath.

i should become a writer! maybe i could have a whole book of lunch haikus published. nobody knows this, but i make them up almost every day!

hey.

there is a fly on my sandiwch.

GET OFF MY SANDWICH YOU STUPID FLY!!

love,
scott.

* -- yes, liza. i stole this clever phrase from you.

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