2000-09-22
dear internet,it's me, scott. i love you, let's do it.* following is a list of reasons why today sucks: - it is raining outside. i hate rain, especially thunderstorms. especially at night, falling asleep to thunderstorms. that is the stupidest thing ever. (haha. actually, maybe i might like that. but it is crappy when it rains in the middle of the day and you run to your car through it and get all wet, you know?) - my coworker ted needs to die. but, unfortunately, he refuses to do this. he sits at his desk talking about videogames all day, instead of doing work. i would like to blow him up. please mail explosives if you have any, as this would greatly help me in my mission. thank you. - my hair looks funny. i mean. funnier than usual. - i ate two dingdongs last night, and now today i am fat. super-fat! 500lbs. just from two ding dongs! can you believe it? i just, blew up like a balloon! or like that grape girl from charlie and the chocolate factory! except, i am shaped like a dingdong, instead of a grape. it is a very unfortunate situation. - megan is not at work today. this makes me sad, becuase i do not have anyone to eat lunch with. sad sad. sniffle. speaking of, here is today's lunch haiku (did you notice that nice tricky transition i just did that now allows me to showcase my poetic talent? i rule!): subway is the place where fresh is the taste, yes sir meatball sandwich yum! i thought that up while driving back to work! sometimes it surprises me how smart i can be! and actually, check this out! while taking a bite of my sandwich, i just thought up ANOTHER ONE! i ate this for lunch: twelve inches of tasty meat reminds me of heath. i should become a writer! maybe i could have a whole book of lunch haikus published. nobody knows this, but i make them up almost every day! hey. there is a fly on my sandiwch. GET OFF MY SANDWICH YOU STUPID FLY!! love, scott. * -- yes, liza. i stole this clever phrase from you.
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