it's me, listwriter scott.

ten reasons why i could never marry heath seals: (i'm sorry you had to find out this way, sweetie).

1. heath is a homewrecker, plain and simple.

2. "who ha!". i could never have sex with anyone who shouted "who ha!" all the time. it would be too distracting.

3. i just. dont like pumpkin pie.

4. heath drinks beer. our lifestyles would never match, as i never ever consume that wretched swill.

5. lack of pigtails.

6. lack of short plaid skirt.

7. lack of couch-dancing abilities.

8. im sorry, but there is nothing more boring to watch on television than cnbc.

9. i think. liza would probably be jealous.

10. who needs marriage? were going to burn in hell for premarital sex anyway.

love,
scott.