it's me, scott. i am writing only because liza told me to. she is very demanding!

last weekend, i got stuck in the lovely town of glenville, illinois. you see, i was staying at this lovely baymont hotel, and when it was time to drive to milwaukee for my friend's graduation party, i stopped at a liquor store, and then couldn't find my way back onto the interstate. i drove for 20 minutes, on this bridge that kept going over the interstate, and i couldn't find my way back onto the fucking interstate. the moral of this story is: never go to glenville, illinois. it is a very lonely city and will hide interstate on-ramps in order to trick you so that you won't ever leave.

the weekend before that, i went to nashville, tennessee. i am kind of dumb, and have no idea if i just spelled "tennessee" correctly. i could never live in tennessee, because spelling it is too difficult of a task for me. also, it is apparently impossible to spend a night in nashville, tennessee without drinking alcohol. i could not afford to live the tennessee-spelling alcohol-drinking lifestyle that heath seals lives nightly. the moral of this story is: all female gym teachers are lesbians.

today is tuesday. i don't like tuesdays. the moral of this story is: tuesdays suck.

yesterday, after work, i went to fill up my car (her name is kathryn) with gas, because, you know, i was running low. so i fill up my car, and then i am talking to megan (because she is stalking me and followed me to the gas station), and then i go to pull away, and i hear this loud "clunk" noise. see, what you may have assumed (and you should never make assumptions), is that i took the little gas thingy out of my car, and put my gas cap back on. no, i didn't. so i drove off with this thing in my car, and it broke the gas station. like, the pump broke. haha. i went inside to tell the guy working, and he didn't care. he just said "oh yeah, people do that a lot."

the moral of this story: don't feel bad if you break a gas station, people do these sorts of things all the time!!

good enough, liza? happy now?

love,
scott.