it's me, scott. wanna get married?

so as you probably know (or maybe you don't; whatever) i talk to liza (y'know -- liza.diaryland.com) much more than is probably healthy for me. anyway, by doing such, i've made my own list of qualifications a future bride must have:

1. billy crystal: any girl that i marry can not be a fan of billy crystal. this man is just *not* funny. yeah, he was in the princess bride, and we'll forgive the casting persons of that movie for that... but every other movie he's ever been in? absolutely horrible!! if you love billy crystal, you can't love me.

2. disneyworld: i've mentioned it before, and i'll say it again -- when a girl will actually agree to vacation with me in the magical kingdom, she'll be the girl for me.

3. so, a ham sandwich walks into a bar, and he sits down, and says to the bartender "hey, do you guys serve food here?": if you didn't laugh at this, we weren't mean to be together.

4. board games: scrabble. trivial pursuit. monopoly. they're all tons of fun!! anyone who sits around on rainy days and watches soap operas or talk shows instead of breaking out the board games has got some messed up ideas of entertainment.

5. animals: i'm afraid of snakes, so if, by chance, you have one for a pet, you're going to have to get rid of it. also, it'd probably be bad if you were allergic to cats. 'cuz i refuse to part with mine! nyah!

6. nice: okay, 'nice' is a really nondescriptive word. basically, i want an innocent girl, not someone who smokes and swears and gets drunk every night. it sounds trite, but i need a god-loving girl.

7. cheesecake: don't cram this crap down my throat!! and don't make me a cheesecake for my birthday when you know that i hate cheesecake. eat it if you want, but accept the fact that i think it's gross and am not going to change my opinion.

8. bertha: i could never love a girl named 'bertha'. if you're name is bertha, please have it legally changed. then, we can fall in love and get married and have beautiful children and make sweet sweet love 'til the breaka breaka dawn.

9. opinions: have one, dammit! if i say 'do you want to go to taco bell for chalupas or culvers for tasty tasty cheese curds?' don't just say 'oh, i don't care' or 'oh, i don't know'. when i ask if there are any movies you'd like to go and see, don't say 'i don't know' or 'i don't care'. when i ask you if you would like to make out, don't just say 'oh, yeah, sure, whatever you want to do'. scream 'yes! YES! THERE IS NOTHING I WOULD RATHER DO THAN MAKE OUT WITH YOU, SCOTT!!!!'. thank you.

10. cuddling: you need to do it, and you need to love doing it.

i once filled out one of those 'getting to know eachother' survey-things that everybody passes around in email (i still have it somewhere, maybe i'll post it later) ...anyway, the answer i put for the 'what do you look for in the opposite sex?' was 'someone to hold my hand when i cross the street.'

i still feel that way.

all marriage applications can be submitted via email: [email protected]. thanks.

love & kisses,
scott.

(illustrated)